1. You walk into a room, someone turns and looks at you and laughs. What do you do?

I remove the large fish from my pockets and say "I'll get my coat".

2. You find an egg, take it home and keep it warm. It hatches. What type of dinosaur is it? Do you keep it and name?

Since dinosaurs are extinct, I eat it.

3. Which superhero would you want to be related to and why?

Wolverine. I wouldn't be the hairiest person in family photos.

4. A drunken sailor comes up to you on the pier...he begins harassing you in a most repulsive way....what'll be your defense?

I'd say, "Listen, Wolverine, if you keep this up I'm throwing you off the pier head - It's that or the Rutland."

5. Entering a CLASS A piano bar, you're encouraged to sing atop the grand instrument...you grab the microphone and sing.....

" I feel like chicken tonight..."

6. If you were a character in a Dr. Seuss book/movie, who would you be and why?

The Cat in the Hat:

The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetry in which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes and bold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably Green Eggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower With Mommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under the pseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freud in a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two young children understand their own frustrated sexuality. [Freud on Seuss- a book review by Josh LeBeau]


7. If you have just been called to be a substitute in the Winter Olympics for your country (apparently everyone else was busy), what sport(s) will you compete in?
I will compete in the highly prestigious event - "tearing your other leg's anterior cruciate ligament"

8. Did the audience from the piano bar in question #5 applaud when you were done with your song?

They did. And we all had Thai Green Curry.

1. You walk into a room, someone turns and looks at you and laughs. What do you do?
Probably look down at my clothes to see if I am filthy or sommat

2. You find an egg, take it home and keep it warm. It hatches. What type of dinosaur is it? Do you keep it and name?
A triceratops, I don't think I would keep it, maybe call her tripod

3. Which superhero would you want to be related to and why?
I want to be the superhero, not related

4. A drunken sailor comes up to you on the pier...he begins harassing you in a most repulsive way....what'll be your defense?
i'd just walk away

5. Entering a CLASS A piano bar, you're encouraged to sing atop the grand instrument...you grab the microphone and sing.....
Makin' Whoopee

6. If you were a character in a Dr. Seuss book/movie, who would you be and why?
No idea who that is 

7. If you have just been called to be a substitute in the Winter Olympics for your country (apparently everyone else was busy), what sport(s) will you compete in?
The one that I am least likey to have a serious injury!!!

8. Did the audience from the piano bar in question #5 applaud when you were done with your song?
Only cuase I was finished

1. You walk into a room, someone turns and looks at you and laughs. What do you do?
Look aghast, clutch my face and ask if i'd left my clown makeup on again. I'm always doing that...

2. You find an egg, take it home and keep it warm. It hatches. What type of dinosaur is it? Do you keep it and name?
It's a new kind that no one's ever found before and fills in all the blanks that have puzzled scientists for years. Not only do I get to name it but also it's breed/species. I'm automatically awarded a Chair of Paelentology and funding to last a lifetime, no grant proposals needed. My career sorted, I persue my previous line of learning for fun with my free time, when I'm not taking my pet dino for walks on the beach

3. Which superhero would you want to be related to and why?
Family law dictates that I'm not allowed to reveal Aunt Willimina's secret identity. Pesky media and all that. You understand chaps

4. A drunken sailor comes up to you on the pier...he begins harassing you in a most repulsive way....what'll be your defense?
Scorn him for being a cliche, then tip him into the water for a good cool off

1. You walk into a room, someone turns and looks at you and laughs. What do you do?
take a bow

2. You find an egg, take it home and keep it warm. It hatches. What type of dinosaur is it? Do you keep it and name?
franny ogg is her name. she's ugly as sin and sharp as a nail.

3. Which superhero would you want to be related to and why?
ehhhhhm? i'd like to be marries to the hot evil one in xmen?

4. A drunken sailor comes up to you on the pier...he begins harassing you in a most repulsive way....what'll be your defense?
i'll run around in circles til he gets dizzy and falls over. then i'll rob his whisky and skip home.

5. Entering a CLASS A piano bar, you're encouraged to sing atop the grand instrument...you grab the microphone and sing.....
badly

6. If you were a character in a Dr. Seuss book/movie, who would you be and why?
something red and hairy and jiggy

7. If you have just been called to be a substitute in the Winter Olympics for your country (apparently everyone else was busy), what sport(s) will you compete in?
the fall over and break every bone in my body athon

8. Did the audience from the piano bar in question #5 applaud when you were done with your song?
oh yes. they loff me.

1. You walk into a room, someone turns and looks at you and laughs. What do you do?
That depends on whether what I have on is intended for humour. If not, I don't care.

2. You find an egg, take it home and keep it warm. It hatches. What type of dinosaur is it? Do you keep it and name?
It's a small purple dinosaur. And I might keep it, if he weren't too much of a carnivore and likely to eat the neighbours pets.

3. Which superhero would you want to be related to and why?
Ehm, none.

4. A drunken sailor comes up to you on the pier...he begins harassing you in a most repulsive way....what'll be your defense?
Upper cut to the jaw, elbow to the temple, knee to the crotch.

5. Entering a CLASS A piano bar, you're encouraged to sing atop the grand instrument...you grab the microphone and sing.....
Probably Gloria Gaynor. Or maybe Richard Marx.

6. If you were a character in a Dr. Seuss book/movie, who would you be and why?
I was not raised on Dr. Seuss so this question means nothing to me.

7. If you have just been called to be a substitute in the Winter Olympics for your country (apparently everyone else was busy), what sport(s) will you compete in?
Drinking? No, in all seriousness, it would be high jump and discus.

8. Did the audience from the piano bar in question #5 applaud when you were done with your song?
No. They cried.

1. You walk into a room, someone turns and looks at you and laughs. What do you do?

Barricade the doors and set the place on fire using only the power of my mind as my mother's maniacal chant of "they're all gonna laugh at you!" rushes through my head.

2. You find an egg, take it home and keep it warm. It hatches. What type of dinosaur is it? Do you keep it and name?

Triceratops! I'd call it Hansel.

3. Which superhero would you want to be related to and why?

Batman. Massive house and all the chicks.

4. A drunken sailor comes up to you on the pier...he begins harassing you in a most repulsive way....what'll be your defense?

Spike him with my stiletto - clearly I've turned into a hooker if I'm hanging around a pier.

5. Entering a CLASS A piano bar, you're encouraged to sing atop the grand instrument...you grab the microphone and sing.....

I'm no good by Amy Winehouse.

6. If you were a character in a Dr. Seuss book/movie, who would you be and why?

The Grinch. Cos I'm cranky.

7. If you have just been called to be a substitute in the Winter Olympics for your country (apparently everyone else was busy), what sport(s) will you compete in?


Figure skating. For the laugh like.

8. Did the audience from the piano bar in question #5 applaud when you were done with your song?

Obviously.

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